Insanity in Potions class
by Merle Charton
Summary: I'm on sugar high...read and review...OR ELSE ¬¬ Lol, j/k. R&R!!! Chapter five is up ^_^
1. Where it all began

Harry: (shouting at Severus) YOU KILLED MY MUM!

Severus: Sit down.

Harry: Shut up.

Severus: Don't you tell me to shut up! You kick my dog!

Harry: No.

Severus: DON'T LIE YOU F***ER!

Harry: What?!?! Don't call me a f***er! You say bad word!

Ron: Look everybody! I have spiked hair! (stands on the table and does an absurd dance)

Eva: (pats Ron's hair) Pointy.

Krissy: Get down!

Severus: Thank you.

Krissy: Do that funky thing! Shake yo' ass! Show me what'choo got!

Severus: NOT WHAT I MEANT! 20 points from Ravenclaw!

Harry: Why?

Severus: Because I feel like it.

Hermione: w00t w00t I'm a cheerleader now!

Merle: YAY! Hermione's a cheerleader! Do a cheer!

Hermione: Okay! (gets scarlet and gold pompoms and waves them around) Oh my GOSH that's COWABUNGA, DUDE! Don't touch that! (tries to do a split but her leg falls off)

Merle: Oh my gosh! Her leg fell off! Get Pomfrey! Get a pizza!

Hermione: How's a pizza gonna help me?

Merle: It won't. I'm hungry.

Neville: (gets his potion right) Woohoo! YEAH! I got it right! (jumps on the table and does this weird dance, knocking everything off)

Severus: Longbottom! Ten points from…ah, screw it.

Neville: YAY! I don't get punished!

Severus: NO! You have detention!

Neville: Aww.

Harry: Yeah! You get to fight THE _COLESLAW OF_ _DOOM!!! _Fun stuff.

Ron: And you get to fight with *dundundun* FISH!

Eira: Eww fish is icky.

Ron: Fish is good. Yummy fish.

Eira: Eww…

Eva: (hugs Ron)

Eira: NO! HE'S MINE! BACK OFF!

Eva: You wanna go for it, eh? (tears off her robe-cape thingy and puts her fists up) Come on! I'll beat you to a pulp!

Eira: (imitates Eva) I'll show you what boxing's for! (takes a swing at Eva and misses) Damn! (takes another swing and misses) Damn!

Krissy: Go Eira!

Eva: HEY!

Krissy: Go Eva!

Eira: HEY!

Krissy: Go Eva, go Eira! Go Eira, go Eva!

Eva/Eira: Better.

~the bell rings~

Severus: Okay, get the hell out of my class. I'm tired of you two bitching at each other.

Eira: But we just got started!

Eva: Damn.

~everyone leaves~

A/N: MUHAHAHA! LOL. Review, dammit, review!


	2. More crazyness

Eva: RON! NO!

*BOOM*

Eva: (annoyed) Ron, IthoughtItoldyounottoaddthepickledslugsBEFOREthenewt'seye.

Ron: You lie.

Eva: No.

Ron: Yes. 

Eva: No.

Ron: Yes. 

Eva: No.

Ron: Yes. 

Eva: No.

Ron: Yes. 

Eva: No.

Ron: Yes.

Severus: SILENCE!

Ron/Eva: No.

Krissy: Yes.

Ron/Eva: No.

Krissy/Severus: Yes.

Ron/Eva: No.

Krissy/Severus: Yes.

Ron/Eva: No.

Krissy/Severus: Yes.

Ron/Eva: No.

Krissy/Severus: Yes.

Ron/Eva: No.

Krissy/Severus: Yes.

Merle: WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP?!

Krissy/Severus/Ron/Eva: Okey-dokey.

Merle: Well come to think of it, it's fun watching Severus act like a five-year-old, so you may continue.

Severus: NO! I WANT TO PUSH THE BUTTON! (goes over to a table with big buttons on it) Ooo pretty buttons…

Merle: Severus, push the *blue* button.

Severus: (pushes the green button)

Merle: Der…you were supposed to push the blue button.

Severus: Green's better. (sticks tongue out at Merle)

Merle: Push the damned blue button.

Krissy: NO! YOU NO PUSH THE BUTTON! I PUSH THE BUTTON! (pushes the yellow button)

(Eva turns purple)

Eva: Hey! Turn me back, you scum ball!

Krissy: Neener neener neener! (sticks tongue out at Eva)

Eva: Oh really? Well, boomodofo to you!

Eira: Weee! I'm Superwoman! (laying on a table with her arms and legs lifted up)

Merle: No! I'm Superwoman! (lays on her desk and lifts her arms and legs up) DUN DUN DUN!

Severus: (pushes the orange button)

Krissy: (pushes the RED button)

Merle: KRISSY! NO! I'll save you! (jumps off the desk, tries to fly, and her nose falls off) Hay cool, ih fuh not habing a nobe!

Draco: (points and laughs at Merle)

Krissy: (keeps pushing the red button) It won't work!

Severus: Lemme try! (pushes the red button real hard)

***_BOOM!_***

……

Disclaimer: I own nothing except Merle. Krissy, Eira, and Eva own themselves. ^__^

Whee! Fun! Fun, fun, fun!


	3. What's Snape up to?

__

Setting: 5th Year Gryffindor and Slytherin students are just coming in. Merle is sitting at Snape's desk for some odd reason…

Krissy: Where's Professor Snape?

Merle: I dunno. He asked me to take over the lessons today. He's probably strutting around the school like a pimp again…

Ron: (cracking up) What?

Merle: You heard me…he's probably running around like a pimp again.

Eva: o_O…(can't help it and starts cracking up as well)

Krissy: Well…he'll be back soon though, right?

Severus: (comes running through the dungeons with a monkey following him) HELP!! THIS INSANE MONKEY'S TRYING TO PUNCH ME IN THE NUTS!!!!!

(most of the students crack up)

Merle: (already laughing) Okay then. (points wand at monkey) Avada Ked-AAAH! (monkey tackles her)

Eira: Um…do you need any help? (watching Merle struggle with the monkey)

Merle: No…errgh…I'm fine. (monkey steals her wand) GAH! MY WAND! Give that back you little…

Monkey: (does a stupid dance and starts shooting spells at people)

Pansy (Parkinson): Ack! My eyes…(eyes start swelling to the size of tennis balls)

Harry: (has a very tiny head now, and talking in a tiny squeaky voice) Okay…now what?

Severus: (sitting in the corner, watching)

Eira: NO! MY CORNER! (lunges at Severus and starts beating him up)

Severus: What-OW!-the-owwwiiieee-bloody hell are you—AUGH—doing?!?!

Eira: MY CORNER!

Severus: I'm-ow-being beaten up—GAH—by a girl—OW—and it—ACK—hurts…

Draco: (jumps up and runs out of the dungeons, Slytherins follow him)

Merle: Hey! This class isn't over yet! (turns back to the monkey) NOW GIVE ME BACK MY WAND!

Severus: (jumps up out of Eira's grab and starts running)

Eira: COME BACK HERE! I'm not finished beating you up! (pulls out her wand and does some energy ball attack spell on Severus)

Severus: (stopped dead in his tracks, burnt to a crisp) …Ow…

Eira: Cool. I forgot I could do that.

Slytherins (ALL of them, all years and stuff): (come marching in with Draco leading) Here's our jingle for Goldfish! We wrote a song for Goldfish, the wholesome snack that smiles back, until you bite their heads off! (the Slytherins throw Goldfish crackers in the air) See the fishes swimming...oh look the pretzel's winning...didn't that make you feel good about Goldfish? Here's our Jingle for Goldfish, crunchy little Goldfish, oh good we're at the part where we show that they're baked and not fried! Did you know they're made with real cheese, even though they look like fishies? The snack that smiles back, Goldfish!!

Others: (stare at the Slytherins)

Draco: And that was our jingle for Goldfish.

Slytherins: (run out again)

Merle: …The class still isn't finished.

Krissy: (pokes her head back in the room) We don't really care…

Merle: Go figure. (finally succeeds in getting her wand back from the monkey) AHA! Now I've got you! Avada Kedavra!

(monkey dies)

Merle: YES! WOOHOO! I ROCK! (does strange victory dance)

Hermione: …zzZZzzZZzz…

Severus: _Miss_ Granger! Wake _up_!

Hermione: (still sleeping) …Aww mommy why can't I ride the pony…(falls over and wakes up to find the rest of the class laughing) Huh? What happened?

Harry: (pretends to fall asleep on the desk table thing) "Aww mommy why can't I ride the pony?"

Hermione: _;

(the bell rings)

Ron: WHOOOO!!! CLASS IS OUT!!! (jumps on the table and does an absurd dance)

Eira: Err…Ron…

Eva: (comes running back in and tackles Eira) RON'S MINE!

Eira: You wish!

Eva: Mine!

Eira: Mine! 

Eva: Mine!

Eira: Mine! 

Eva: Mine!

Eira: Mine! 

Eva: Mine!

Eira: Mine! 

Eva: Mine!

Eira: Mine! 

Eva: Mine!

Eira: Mine!

Merle: SHUT. UP.

Eva/Eira: No!

Merle: Ten points from both Gryffindor and Slytherin, then.

Eira/Eva: Aww…

Severus: The bell rung five minutes ago…get…out…(eye twitches)

Merle: O_o…Well, he's right, class was dismissed about five minutes ago…

(students pack up and leave)

Severus: Finally. Now I can get back to what I was doing…

Merle: Err…what WERE you doing?

Severus: Um…

Merle: Oh forget it.

……

A/N: Muhahaha! Want more? Review, people…reviews keep me writing! Or maybe it's just the fact that I'm bored…

Legal Junk a.k.a. Disclaimer: Krissy owns herself. Eira owns herself. Eva owns herself. I. Own. Nothing. But. Merle. Do you hear me? I own nothing but Merle! Merle isn't even a real Harry Potter character! She's an original! DID YOU HEAR THAT? I. Am. Making. No. Money. ::cries::


	4. More, more, more!

Ron: (his potion is turning bright pink) Arg…what did I do?!

Merle: O_o; (goes over to check) MR WEASLEY! DUCK!

(the potion explodes)

Ron: …I wasn't supposed to add the porcupine quills yet, huh?

Merle: Nope…

Severus: Ten points from Gryffindor and detention, Weasley!

Merle: SEVERUS! The boy just blew up a potion! That happens about ten times a day, what're you playing at?!

Severus: Dunno…

Merle: (rolls eyes) LET'S LIMBO!!

EE: O_o;

Eva: …She had too much coffee this morning, didn't she?

Severus: No, I think she had too much of that stuff Sirius Black passes out…

Sirius: (pokes his head in) HEY, MERLE! You owe me £10 for that bottle of…(notices all the students)…er, nevermind…

Severus: O_O; (grabs Merle by the shoulders and shakes her roughly) CHARTON WHAT THE HELL IS HE FEEDING YOU?!

Krissy: Possibly crack…

Hermione: But that's not allowed, is it?

Merle: (shrugs) Who cares?

Draco: I dooo!! Promise youuu!!

EE: (stare at Draco)

Draco: (jumps onto the table thingy and starts singing "I Do" from 98º)

Merle: AGH!! It's a Muggle song!! KILL IT, KILL IT!!

Ron: Gladly! (starts marching towards Draco)

Severus: o_o' Weasley, get off the table or I'll take this bottle of thingies here (points to bottle of potion ingredients on his desk) and throw them at you…

Ron: O_o; (gets down and walks back to his seat, his head hanging)

Eira: Aww…Professor, can I beat you up again?

Severus: o_O;; No!!

Merle: YEAH! GO AHEAD!

Eira: Cool! (jumps up to the front of the room and starts beating on Severus)

Severus: OW! One—OW—hundred—ACK—points from—OW!—Gryffindor—OW—and deten—OW—detention!!!

Eira: …Aw, crap. Wait a minute…I'm a Ravenclaw, Professor!

Severus: Then what are you doing in this class?

Eira: (shrugs) The author wanted to keep me in.

Severus: (looks scared) The AUTHOR? You mean there are people WRITING about US?

Eira: Yep. There's plenty of them and I've read some of their work.

Severus: O_o Is it good?

Eira: (looks like she's trying to fight back a laugh) Yes…

Severus: What are they saying about me…?

Eira: (bursts out laughing)

Severus: o_o;

Eira: You…(laughs) You don't want to know…

Severus: o_O;; TELL ME NOW, GIRL!

Eira: HALF OF THEM ARE IN LOVE WITH YOU!

Severus: …

Merle: (cracking up)

Severus: --' Aw, shut it, Charton…

(about half of the students are laughing and the other half look scared)

Severus: THAT'S IT! CLASS DISMISSED! (walks back to his office, looking very annoyed and scared)

Sirius: When is Merle going to pay me?

Merle: Later, Sirius…

Sirius: Gimme my £10 _;

Merle: Oh fine fine (gives Sirius £10)

Sirius: YAY!!

(random monkey comes and steals the £10)

Sirius: HEY!! Why you little—(runs after the monkey trying to get back the money)

Monkey: £_£ Money is fun!!

Sirius: O_O! IT CAN TALK!

……

HA! Review! Wooo!!! Review!!! Or else I'll send the flying monkeys after you!!! WoOoOo!!!

Disclaimer: I own Merle and only Merle. Krissy, Eva, and Eira own themselves, and the Goddess J.K. Rowling owns the rest of them. I own the plot so don't steal it. Anyone who steals any of the original characters or the plot and claiming them for their own WILL BE BEATEN UNTIL UNCONSIOUS WITH A STICK, and Krissy is allowed to stab them. And OH YEAH! Eira's a Ravenclaw but I don't give a damn about that because she's my friend and she'll just be in Gryffindor in this fic because I want her in this fic, and otherwise it'd be really messed up…lol.


	5. Songs and what's with all the characters...

****

Tamarushii Eva: Whoa, whoa, Eva. Calm down.

****

Auroress 13: Auroress, I'm sure you have your own tastes in fics. No, this was not written by four-year-olds, but some people actually like those plot-less humor fics. Notice all the people that have reviewed that actually like it. / The four original characters are not mary-sues, don't even begin to think they are. Just because a character is original does not mean they are a mary-sue. Do you even know what a mary-sue is? / Yes, Snape is out of character. Most of the characters are OOC, and that's where some of the humor comes from. / Open up a little. Geez.

…

Krissy: Wai wai! Ke ki! ^_^

Eira: Uh, Krissy, wrong setting.

Krissy: Really? Damn.

Ron: (bounces off the walls again) Whoa-oh!

Harry: And I'm looking like a fool again! Whoa-oh!

Draco: Threw away my reputation!

Hermione: One more song for the radio station…

Ron: I'm bouncing off the walls again! Whoa-oh!

Harry: I'm looking like a fool again! Whoa-oh!

Draco: Waking up on the bathroom floor,

Hermione: Pull myself back together just to fall once more…

Ron: And my heart's beating out of my chest—

Severus: (walks in with Merle) What the…

Merle: I think your classroom has just morphed into a kareoke bar.

Severus: x_X

Ron: Mummy and daddy got the best cocaine

Harry: Ritalin's never gonna feel the same  
Draco: Twenty-four hours on an empty brain  
Hermione: I got my finger on the trigger and you're in my way

Eva: STOP IT!!! X_x;;

Ron: (snaps fingers) Next time.

Severus: No next ti—

Krissy: THE HIILLS ARE ALIVE!!! WITH THE SOUND OF MUUUUUUUUUSIC…

Severus: Gah…my own niece…

Merle: Miss Serp! Sit down and shut up!

Krissy: -.-;

(suddenly something sticks Merle in the ass, she pulls it out and glares at it)

Severus: Seems to be some kind of dart—

Merle: My face to the sky, dreaming about just how high…  
Severus: Oh shit.

Merle: I could go and if I'll know when I finally get there

Krissy: Taking off my glasses, sun pokes through my lashes  
Draco: Uh oh.

Krissy: And somehow I know there's a time for every star to shine

All girls in the room: Everybody got their something, everybody got their something  
All guys in the room: x_X;;

Girls: Make you smile like an itty bitty child

Eira: People keeping score say better hurry up and get yours  
Ron: Not you too!

Eira: 'Cause somebody else got your spot before you even dropped

Eva: Seek and you shall find everything in my own sweet time  
Seamus: x_X''

Eva: I'll take my chances with what I believe is only mine

Merle: Busy holding on so the roof don't fly, keep you from moving on so get it right, turn the tide over like a love song, like a butterfly, believe if you hand it over you'll come out all right

Girls: Everybody got their someth—

Guys: STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Girls: Aw.

Krissy: We didn't get to finish the song!

Merle: We'll get to finish it in the author's next chapter of _Snape's Revenge_.

Severus: Ah, sweet revenge. Wait…what am I getting revenge for?!

Merle: )

Minerva: (pops in) )

Severus: O_o;;

Merle/Minerva: =)

Severus: This can't be good.

Eira/Eva: You don't want to know.

Merle/Minerva: =)

Draco: Sevviekins gets smashed by a hammer!

EE: O_o;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Draco: ^.^

Krissy: That can't be a good sign.

Severus: It's all the singing! You've melted his brain!

Draco: o.o (hugs Severus)

Severus: Ack x_X

Merle: That's not what happens, anyways.

Dan: If that fic is short I'm not going to read it..

Severus: How did you get here? You were expelled a while ago…

Merle: The author…

Dan: The author wanted to put me in her fic XD

Merle: At least he's not a Hufflepuff

Harry: (grumbles about how he has to share a room with Dan)

Ron: (joins Harry in grumbling)

Seamus: (joins Harry and Ron)

Dean: (joins Harry, Ron, and Seamus)

Neville: (joins Harry, Ron, Seamus, and Dean)

Dan: -_-' What's wrong with me?

Ron: *coughdumbasscough*

Dan: Well, at least the author likes me.

Eva: (pours water on Dan)

Dan: x_X;;

Eira: Okay okay stop.

Dan: Yay! Someone else likes me too!

Eira: I never said that.

Dan: Aw.

Kevin: Why am I here?

Severus: (throws hands in the air) What's with all the original characters?!

Merle: (whacks Severus)

Severus: Oh…right. You're original…

Merle: ^_^

(the bell rings and all the students rush out)

Severus: (screams in annoyance) WHAT'S UP WITH THIS?!

……

^_^ Review! Flames are welcome but will only be made fun of and shot back.

Disclaimer: I own Merle. Eva, Eira, Krissy, Dan, and Kevin own themselves, and J.K. Rowling owns the rest. Steal anything and we will hunt you down and do bad things to you.


End file.
